


I know we'll lose it

by So_much_of_the_sins



Series: I know how it ends [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends, Blind Character, Death, F/M, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Lots of Crying, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13073886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/So_much_of_the_sins/pseuds/So_much_of_the_sins
Summary: your mother, your father, and your brother use to hold onto your hand tight, but they all let go. Now there's nothing for you to hold onto until you met Carl Grimes, someone you gladly call your friend and love dearly.You slowly realize that you love Carl, however, you aren't very good at talking to people so you keep your feelings to yourself. When you started to notice that Carl isn't looking for a relationship, you tuck away your attraction deep down and settle for being friends.





	I know we'll lose it

Lifting your head up, you stared blankly at the door waiting for your brother to return from scavenging food and medicine for the whole group, the group was starving everyone fell ill after not eating, the only ones who were healthy left to find medicine and food.

Your belly grumbled loudly after skipping meals for so long, you let out an anxious sigh. This wasn’t his first run, but it always put you on edge, you were healthy but couldn’t go outside because of your eyes. You were blinded during the outbreak when a bomb exploded the showering debris fell into your eyes making you legally blind.

Your little brother only age eleven had to grow up fast and take your place to go out and get supplies. You were afraid what could happen to him knowing that he could walk out that door and never come back…alive. Many horrifying scenarios ran through your head each worst then the last. 

“please come back” 

The front door swung open, a body heavily falls onto the floor panting, you jump at the sudden sound “Richard, is that you?” lip quivering, you swallowed and step closer to the person. “Yea, it’s me…” he wheezed out, you flinched your little brother voice was stark and deep in the dead air. You quickly rush to his side to lift him up, ignoring the bags of food “Hey, your home now, you need to- “ 

“stay away from me-don’t come near me… please” His tone sent a shiver down your spine and you froze, your face fell, instantly your heart clenched tight. “Your-your hurt, let me- let me help you up” 

He abruptly smacks your helping hand “N-no!” he snarled at you, “I don’t want you anywhere near me, you hear me (y/n)?” you shield your face with your hands, tears slowly making their way up. 

Your worst nightmare came true, it was all your fault you had to be the disable one and have your own little brother feel like he was responsible for you. “Richard please not you, it should have been me-not you, not you” guilt began to build up and overflow as you start to bawl. 

Richard watch you, watching his older sister on her knees crying her eyes out, he noticed your cloudy eyes filled with tears, when you lost your sight he felt a need to protect you from everything even though you were three years older, you were gentle and polite. A terrible combination for today's world, he needed to be tough and strong, strong enough to shoulder all your problems. 

He did all the killing, the dead and the living, especially the living. He needed to protect you and now he needs to protect you from himself. Richard stood up and drop the bags of food by your side, his worries subsided now that you were safe with the group, some weight has been lifted when you met the group and they have taken you both under their wing. 

“That’s four days’ worth of food, maybe a week if you stretch it out…” his voice went quiet, he turns away and reaches for the door handle, he couldn’t stay long afraid that of himself that he might turn and cause harm to you. He doesn't want you to come looking for him and have you watch him die even though your central vision is much worse (10 times worse, in fact) than a normally sighted person. 

“I’m going outside away from everyone else” 

Those words slithered into your ears and infiltered your brain, your mouth hung open, drier than the Sahara Desert. You peeled your hands from your face, stuffing the lump in your throat when you faced him, you hastily cling to him “Richard no, please don’t go! Please don’t go where I can’t follow!” you wailed. 

You were embraced with a tight hug “(Y/n), I beg of you, please don’t open that door” he pleaded as you return the hug, but you were released by a harsh shoved as Richard dash out the door slamming it shut, a shudder ran down your spine, the noise made you want to scream at the realization that your little brother is really leaving you so that he could die… alone. 

"N-no, wait." you whimpered, moving forward. He was arm’s length from you, now. A short inhale hiccuped in your lungs. If you had been lightheaded before, you were ready to pass out, fingers now shaking. You hear him nearly lose his footing before he started sprinting away from the door. The last thing (y/n) heard was his shoes hitting the concrete floor and his quivering breath chanting

“It’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be okay”

(Y/n) sat there by the door, crying, you decide to lock the door and quickly move far away from it. Afraid that you’ll run after your little brother, you sat on the couch in the living room keeping your eyes locked to your hands, hoping Richard would come back fine and well with his bright smile laughing saying he was okay. 

But he didn’t, so you sat there wondering how will you survive without your brother, you wonder if you’ll die from the bitters, or perhaps this sickness that is being spread around would kill you first, or maybe be slaughtered by another human, or from yourself. 

Time can only tell. 

You place your hand on chest, feeling your heartbeat slow down then picking up speed as you continue to think about your little brother, he was too young only a child, he didn’t deserve to die like this, he should have survived he was so much stronger than you and he was taken away from you. 

It was devastating news, after all this, after everything you both went through, everything Richard did to live, he got bit by a monster, a thing that he could have easily killed, yet it got him at the end, Richard was your purpose to live, he was your symbol of hope. Richard stayed by your side, protecting you, fighting your battles for you, and did everything that (y/n) couldn't do for yourself and you hated yourself for that

No one will be there by your side, you’ll continue living, each time you reach out to your brother you’ll only reach out for nothing. You’ll be alone, and he’s going to die alone.

“No!” 

You screamed, you stood up swiftly and ran straight towards the door, You unlock the door and threw open the door open, running out in the open “Richard! Richard, please let me stay by your side until the end!” you shouted loudly as you race out of the house. you stumbled on your feet, tripping along the way nearly running into, you pull yourself off the ground chasing after your little brother. 

Running past people while bumping into them in the street, you ran outside barefoot, the road pavement burn your feet as they scraped the ground leaving a faint bloody trail, you headed towards the gate to the other world, you could barely see a large blur gather together “Please open the gates!” you beg, the people turn their heads at your pleading voice. 

“oh no, she must have heard” 

“Poor girl…” 

"Don't let her out, she'll only attract more of them"

You ran at the gates banging them. “I said open them! My brother is out there, he’s hurt!” you growled in frustration, a hand reach out for you, pulling you away from the gates “(y/n), I’m sorry but he’s a goner, your brother was bitten while we were out scavenging there is nothing we could do for him. We let him give you all the food he found to you.” 

You let the words seep in as you slowly sank to your knees staring blankly at the door, someone gave a gentle pat on your shoulder, death was more common, and people were rarely fazed by it “I know it’s hard, but you need to be strong and suck it up. You’re not the only one who lost loved ones” 

you stood up, suddenly filled with courage you glare at him in the eye, he was taken back by your cold stone eyes “I know we all lost important people in our lives, but you telling me to suck it up won’t help me get over my brother death.” You said, impressed with the even tone of your voice. 

“I apologize for my rudeness, (y/n)” he paused “I’m sorry for your loss…” he turned his gaze to the floor, clearing his throat he left to tend to his duties, the crowd then disband going on with their lives, leaving you alone with your tears silently sliding down your cheeks. 

The truth hurt but he was right, you stood on your painfully sore feet as you limp towards your empty home. you gain a generally cynical outlook on life and accept that the world is a cruel place where only those who are strong are able to survive. 

“Don't worry, Richard. I’ll continue living even if it means I have to suffer every day just to stay alive, I'll do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really do need a beta reader, since I'm on break I'll be writing a lot more. The first chapter is just some background before you met Carl.


End file.
